Rudolph the Ugly Christmas Sweater
by FloralBlunts
Summary: In which Tweek is convinced Santa is a government spy.


You could say their idea for the best Christmas was an introverted cliché. Stay indoors, drink tea, watch a nerdy movie, all while wearing ugly Christmas sweaters from the thrift store. Craig was already irritated by the majority of people that surrounded him daily, and Tweek doesn't do too well around unfamiliar company either. One thing's for sure, that they would rather spend Christmas Eve with each other than around the drunken and dysfunctional families of South Park.

They had snuck out from Stan's parent's party through the back porch. Practically everyone turned drunk, even Tweek's parents. He was hesitant, because if his parents found out he was alone with Craig all along, they might "sell him off to child labor camps." It was improbable, but nonetheless Craig has promised to take the blame. His own father sort of just gave up on all the ruthless shit Craig get's himself into.

And at Tweek's house which wasn't too far from Stan's, he had finished making popcorn for Kill Bill and plopped down in front of his boyfriend. Craig reached out for Tweek's waist and pulled his body against his chest, wrapping his arms around and engulfed in a feeling of complete bliss.

"-Ngh- Craig, you're not even going to pay attention!" He yelped, almost spilling the popcorn.

Craig simply nuzzled his face on the nape of Tweek's soft neck. He knew that holding Tweek so closely like this gave him a sense of reassurance he couldn't quite explain, and wondered how much warmth radiated off such a tiny body.

"Fuck the movie, I've seen it twelve times." He groaned.

Tweek rolled his eyes in annoyance, but giggled once Craig started planting quick kisses on his neck and cheek. Hearing that familiar laughter practically made his heart flutter, and Craig said to himself. "Mint."

"Mhm?"

"You smell like mint...or something, and coffee."

"Is that -ngh- bad?"

He held him closer and sighed. "Just in time for Christmas, huh? This wouldn't happen to be on purpose would it?"

"W-what?! No! Not at all!" Tweek tensed and darted his eyes across the room. He wasn't a very good liar.

"You smell fucking delicious." Craig mumbled.

"How romantic."

Craig smiled and kissed him on the lips. He meant to pull away, but savored Tweek's lips for a little while more. Craig toppled over him and grazed a trail of kisses down Tweek's neck.

Craig stopped when he reached the collar of Tweek's sweater and burst out laughing. "I can't do this when you're wearing that."

"You're the one who picked it out for me! Bears aren't even part of Christmas -ngh- festivities, you jerk." Tweek stuck out his tongue.

Craig just stared at it and continued to laugh at the beige sweater with the face of a horribly stitched bear.

"Shut up!" Tweek shoved him and laughed as well. "How is it not sexy?"

"It's like a three-year old made it for their aunt and somehow ended up at the thrift store."

Tweek lowered his head and stifled his laughter. "I guess you could say it's -ngh- unbearable."

Craig fell dead serious. "You did not."

Tweek's lips pressed shut, struggling to stay closed as his face turned red. He let out, "I guess you could-"

Before he could finish, Craig grabbed a pillow from the couch and stuffed it against Tweek's face. "No! No more, dear god!"

"-NFGHMFHM-" Tweek squirmed under Craig. "-NFNFM-"

"What? I can't hear you!"

He smacked his arms away and gasped. "-ACK- Your sweater is just as ugly as mine!" Pointing at the embroidered Rudolph with an actual red puff-ball for the nose sticking out.

"Of course it is, we both had to pick out ugly sweaters for each other, right?"

"Yours is uglier, like your face. That's why I picked it, to match your face." He stuck out his tongue playfully.

Craig smirked. "Yeah ok, says the one who kisses this face everyday." He brought his lips very close to Tweek's, not yet touching.

Tweek giggled. "-ngh- I love your face." He softly nuzzled Craig's nose and grazed his lips just before kissing them. They fell against each other again, Tweek's twitching self on top of Craig's lap. His fingers glided through his hair, pulling it slightly and Tweek would let out a soft moan.

It suppressed Craig's urge to just pin him against the floor and go crazy.

Tweek pulled away and asked, "What time is it?"

Craig remembered not telling his parents anything and hissed. "Shit...it's almost midnight."

Tweek twitched and anxiously started to fidget with his fingers. "Will you get in trouble?"

"I don't care, they probably won't either." He rolled his eyes. "I just don't want your parents finding out either. Sorry for dragging you into my well thought out plan."

"-ngh- But I'm glad I got to spend today with you. It's been really fun." They kissed again, this time more gentle. Craig smiled in between every kiss Tweek gave him, and caressed his waist with his thumbs.

"Merry Christmas, Tweek."

"Mhm…" Tweek simply smiled as he felt Craig's hands slid up under his sweater. Just as Craig was about to slide the sweater over his chest, Tweek's eyes snapped open and he panicked, slapping Craig's hands away. "-ACK- IT'S MIDNIGHT!"

Craig's frowned, a little disappointed he couldn't continue. "Yeah?"

"Santa! That f-fucking pedophile is going to be in our house any moment! Oh man, he's going to see us and -ack- kill us or call the police! Fucking government, man!

Craig rolled his eyes, remembering Tweek's fear about Santa. He doesn't believe in the magic, but actually thinks that Santa is just an excuse for the government to spy on people and for us to passively accept it because of holiday propaganda.

"Santa isn't real."

"That's what they want us to believe! Especially for teens, with all the -ngh- sex and drugs. He knows." He whispered. Craig sighed and fell back on the floor. "I just thought I was going to be your Christmas present, you know? Feel useful for once…"

"You always do this, you always give me a guilt trip!"

Craig groaned and bucked his hips. "Santa doesn't have to know if we close the blinds."

Tweek groaned and shut his eyes, trying to resist. It wouldn't take long for him to usually surrender. "Fine-but turn off all the lights and we're going to lock the doors in my room!"

"Done." Craig could not have picked up Tweek any faster. They rushed up the stairs towards Tweek's room where Craig could finally feel "useful".


End file.
